Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

My mom is home from the hospital.  After my last post, she went back in.  More back pain, more fractures, even after the surgery she had to repair the first two.  I have been commuting back and forth across the bridge to see her every night after work.  These days are long and hard.  It's so hard to see her in so much pain.

She has a brace now, in lieu of another surgery, which will help to correct the pressure on her spine.  She has to wear it for three months (at least) and she is starting an aggressive Osteoporosis treatment soon.  This involves daily injections for 2 years and the website for the medication had a flashing yellow and red warning that this medicine CAUSES bone cancer.  Not may cause, DOES cause.  Six of one and half a dozen of the other? Maybe.  If she doesn't take this medication, she will continue to fracture bones and (in the Dr.'s words) "have a very miserable rest of (her) life."  She has the bone density of a person in their 80s at age 58.  The Dr. wants me to get tested for Osteoporosis in 10 years or sooner.  75% of this is heredity.  I'm scared (for both of us).

I have been carrying on, despite everything.  Going to bed late, getting up early and going to work, squinting a lot.  Today I get to go home and do nothing.  I already know what I'm going to watch on television, eat for dinner and wear while lounging.  I have been planning this night with myself for two weeks.

I realized the other day that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer one year ago this month.  I can't believe I've been living in this haze for that long.

I've been trying do little things for myself on a consistent basis, such as washing my face every night before bed and applying moisturizer (I know everyone does this, but I never did until now); putting heel repair creme on my weathered (understatement) feet and elbows; keeping dark chocolate in the house for nibbling (this is very important).  It's sort of working.  It's nice to have some consistency while the rest of my life is in (what seems like) a constant state of flux.  I have my little routines that make me feel like I'm in control.  These routines are so important to me right now.

I have to mention that I would never be able to do this without my boyfriend.  He has been by my side through all of this:  coming with me to the hospital and to visit my mom at home, holding my hand when I get phone calls with bad news, totally understanding when I have to jump up and leave without any notice.  He knows when I'm feeling bad, and quietly does something to help me or cheer me up, on his own, without my asking for anything.  He's really amazing and I'm so lucky to have him by my side.  (OK mush time over.)